Articles on Mental Health Through the Lifespan
Do You Have a Favorite
Child? (1)
Of course we love all our children the same. Or do we? When we are asked
this question by our children we usually give the standard stock answer:
“I love you all the same”... (Read
More)
Do You Have a Favorite
Child? (2)
Sibling rivalry is one phenomenon. It is normal and part of the developmental
process. But overt parental favoritism is not normal and can damage
a child well into adulthood... (Read
More)
The Importance of a
Loving Mother
When I was a young undergraduate I didn’t give much thought to
good parents versus bad. I had observed my own parents’ numerous
shortcomings as a teenager but also had a sense that there were a lot
of my friends’ parents that I wouldn’t have been keen on
swapping my own parents for... (Read
More)
What Makes a Psychopath?
Recently, Josef Fritzl, the Austrian father who imprisoned his daughter
Elisabeth in an underground enclosure and fathered all seven of her
children, was sentenced to life imprisonment himself. Ironically he
was to receive the same sentence that he had hoped to give to his child
and grandchildren for many more years... (Read
More)
Still Waiting For Mr.
Right?
I recently had a discussion at a social function with a woman in her
late 30s. She was divorced and on the lookout for another partner. But
she said something to me that seemed more than a little odd. Her thesis
on marital happiness was that the sex had to be great and if the sex
wasn’t great then there was no point in going on with the relationship...
(Read More)
The Desperate Housewives
Effect
An increasing number of women in their 30s, 40s and even 50s are succumbing
to eating disorders, even full-blown anorexia, in an attempt to maintain
their youthful figures. Dubbed the Desperate Housewives Effect, the
condition takes its name from the series Desperate Housewives but also
reflects the array of Hollywood stars whose fortunes are inversely related
to the size of their waistlines... (Read
More)
The Importance
of Boundaries for Good Mental Health (1)
The term “having good boundaries” is often used when describing
psychological situations or relations between two or more individuals.
A boundary is like your own personal fence, and if you have a good set
of boundaries, you will largely control what you allow people to say
and do to you... (Read
More)
The Importance
of Boundaries for Good Mental Health (2)
We touched on this issue in a previous article on this subject where
we looked at how much damage a person with no respect for personal boundaries
can inflict intense psychological damage on those around them. Today
we will look at the case of Noreen... (Read
More)
The Importance
of Boundaries for Good Mental Health (3)
We have recently looked at how Marcus was forced by his father to do
a dentistry degree that he wasn’t interested in and also how Jane
fought a several month battle against her mother to not use a pacifier
for her baby daughter... (Read
More)
The Importance
of Boundaries for Good Mental Health (4)
...But what of Jane? What could she have done in her situation with
her mother? Remember that Jane spent months verbally telling her mother
firmly that she did not want her baby to have a pacifier... (Read
More)
Trauma and Trouble: Is It Always
Bad for You?
...trauma is not all bad, and many people who have experienced emotional
difficulties are enriched by them, despite the enormous pain that accompanies
the illness... (Read More)
Children’s
Parties and Future Mental Health
Ever noticed that the amount of time and money that is spent on a child’s
18th birthday party is starting to look like the amount parents might
spend have spent on their children’s wedding in the not too distant
past? (Read More)
Optimizing Development
of Your Baby
We all want a happy, healthy baby and. although the uterus is an exceptionally
safe and comfortable environment for your growing baby, there are additional
precautions that all expectant mothers can undertake to ensure that
their baby receives the best start in life… (Read
more)
Behavior Patterns in
the Womb
Your baby has a personality of its own at birth, but did you know that
behavioral patterns can also be tracked during gestation? Prenatal development
not only consists of the physical process of organ and skeletal development
and growth, but by the age of 14 weeks, the developing embryo is already
capable of rudimentary forms of behavior… (Read
more)
Crying Babies and the
Possibilities for Abuse (1)
A baby's cry is a survival mechanism as it draws attention to an infant
in distress. Three distinct patterns of crying have been documented
in newborns and it is interesting to observe the way primary caregivers
relate to each of these specific crying patterns… (Read
more)
Crying Babies and the
Possibilities for Abuse (2)
We looked at the three types of crying in infants in our previous article
as well as the established notion that adults actually find the sound
of a baby crying aversive. Today we will look at ways that parents attempt
to overcome their natural instincts towards the sound of babies crying,
and the varying levels of success in doing so… (Read
more)
Babies and Dreaming
While adults spend less than a quarter of their sleep time engaged in
dreaming (or REM sleep), young babies engage in REM sleep for over 50%
of their total sleep time. So why do babies dream more than adults?
Why should infants dream so much when they have far less activities
during the day that might trigger dreams?… (Read
more)
Adult Reactions
to Beauty in Babies
We all think that our babies are just the most beautiful babies in the
world. And, for the mental and physical wellbeing of our babies, that
is a good thing. Yet the reality is that babies are relatively unattractive,
with their overly-large heads, often misshapen by difficult births,
their podgy pot bellies and their tendency to be chinless, bald and
far removed from the classic understanding of beautiful. Part of the
magic of being a parent is falling in love with your own child, and
for that child, that is all that matters… (Read
more)
TV's in Children's Bedrooms
(1)
I'm not a fan of TV's in children's bedrooms and I know not everyone
will agree with me on this one, but it's not only my personal preference.
The detrimental effects of televisions in children's bedrooms have long
been a topic of interest among psychologists… (Read
more)
TV's in Children's Bedrooms
(2)
I observed firsthand the problems of having TV's in children's bedrooms
back when my daughter was in elementary school. One of the girls in
her Year 4 class had one in her bedroom and she was the envy of her
peers. Naturally this girl boasted about her new-found televisual independence
and I'm sure there were cries of "I want one, too!" in more
than our household… (Read
more)
Are you an Enabler?
Do you have a friend who is hopeless at budgeting and you're constantly
lending her ten dollars here and twenty dollars there? Do you have a
spouse with an alcohol problem and you phone his or her boss to call
in sick instead of making them do it themselves? Do you constantly take
on extra duties each time your older teen has an assignment due instead
of allowing them to feel out of control themselves? If the answer is
a resounding "Yes" then you could be an enabler... (Read
more)
Are You Enabling Your Adult
Child?
What exactly does it mean to "enable your adult child?" What
the act of enabling does is to actively prevent your child from achieving
appropriate developmental milestones as they age. Thus continually refusing
to make your child/teenager/young adult take responsibility for their
omissions and commissions of duty effectively leaves them as underperforming
adults... (Read more)
Walking the Tightrope
of the Mother-Daughter Relationship
When a mother gives birth to a baby girl, there is potential for a tremendously
strong bond to develop. Having a female child allows a mother to re-experience
her own growing-up process, this time though the eyes of an adult...
(Read more)
Having Trouble Talking
to Your Teen: Try the Car!
How common is it to have a problem with some aspect of your teen's behavior
and be told to sit down and have a good heart-to-heart with them? And
how often has it ended in a screaming match and a series of slammed
doors?... (Read more)
Are You Breeding
a Frankenkinder?
A Frankenkinder is the 21st century version of a spoilt child - a monster
created by the emotional neglect of its own parents. Yet these kids
look far from neglected. They are dressed in designer clothes and have
all the latest Playstation games and personal electronic gadgetry. They
are wise beyond their years and yet are also extremely immature. So
how did we end up with a generation of these kids?... (Read
more)
Setting Healthy
Boundaries for Your Children (1)
In Are You Breeding a Frankenkinder, we looked at the preponderance
of overindulged and underdisciplined children in today's society and
how we are actually doing our children a gross disservice to "give
them everything." It's not easy being a parent today. But it's
never been easy being a parent. Or at least, an effective one. We can
blame the media for creating a world where our kids just want more and
more, but in doing so, we as parents are just passing the buck and refusing
to take responsibility for our own actions... (Read
more)
Setting Healthy
Boundaries for Your Children (2)
The most important gift you can give your child is a healthy set of
boundaries. It is the ultimate gift of love, even though in setting
boundaries, your child will probably tell you that you don't love them.
They may even tell you they hate you. But that is okay... (Read
more)
Setting Healthy
Boundaries for Your Children (3)
In the previous article in this series we looked at the most common
violation of childhood boundaries: that of discussing adult issues such
as financial difficulties and marital problems with your child. The
other common boundary problem involves the physical boundary violation
of childhood sexual abuse. So common is this phenomenon that, by the
age of 18, over 70% of females report some level of sexual abuse...
(Read more)
Setting Healthy
Boundaries for Your Children (4)
The process of setting healthy boundaries in your child starts very
early in life. By the time a child can say "No" he or she
has long grasped the concept of personal boundaries and so it is the
responsibility of the parent to let their child know one very important
concept: They can't have everything... (Read
more)
Marriages without Sex
(1)
The concept of marriage without sex is a strange one, yet cases do exist
and they are not as infrequent as you might imagine. Situations occur
in which the woman remains a virgin during the entire course of the
marriage... (Read more)
Marriages without Sex
(2)
In our first article on this topic, we looked at the marriage between
Sue and James, who had only had intercourse on one occasion two years
after the wedding in order to satisfy Sue's longing for a child. You
can read about the courtship and immediate post-wedding experiences
of Sue and James in Marriage without Sex (1). So, two years into an
unconsummated marriage, Sue allowed James to have sex with her over
a period of three nights and the result was a beautiful baby boy...
(Read more)
Marriages without Sex
(3)
Today we conclude the story of Sue, the wife who only had sex with her
husband on two occasions throughout the course of their marriage. This
was specifically in order to have her two children and the times and
dates of intercourse were meticulously planned in order to maximize
her chances of conception... (Read
more)
The Empty Nest Syndrome
(1)
"Help me. I miss my little girl!" This was the opening cry
for help from the middle-aged female client who sat before me. "How
old is your little girl?" I inquired. The woman dabbed her eyes
and looked at me and looked away. "She's 21." This lady was
in real distress. Her daughter had moved away to college and she was
a SAHM of one, and her "one" had just flown the coup. She
was profoundly sad. She had what is commonly known as the "empty
nest syndrome."... (Read
more)
The Empty Nest Syndrome
(2)
In the previous article on the empty nest syndrome we looked at the
grieving process that often accompanies the departure of an adult child
from the family home. This phenomenon commonly occurs when the oldest
child leaves, as that represents a break in the family circle... (Read
more)
The Empty Nest Syndrome
(3)
Today we begin to look at ways to avoid or at least minimize the effects
of the empty nest syndrome. As discussed in previous articles, the empty
nest syndrome occurs when one or more adult children leave the family
home and the parents, commonly the mother, experience bouts of intense
grief in the period immediately following the departure... (Read
more)
The Empty Nest Syndrome
(4)
Today we look at ways to minimize the effects of the empty nest syndrome
which is both real and painful. As mentioned in previous articles on
this topic, the process of separation from your child and your child
from you is both normal and healthy. It's just that sometimes normality
can be a little hard to bear... (Read
more)
The Empty Nest Syndrome
(5)
Today we look at the story of Emma who, despite having four children
and devoting part of her working life to caring for them full time,
has successfully managed to avoid the distressing feelings that characterize
the empty nest syndrome... (Read
more)
There is No Time Limit
to Grieving
During the time that I was writing the series of articles on the Empty
Nest Syndrome, I came across a comment on a pseudo-medical site which
suggested some rather bizarre but also quite dangerous advice on how
to deal with this phenomenon... (Read
more)
Coping with Death
We all have to cope with death. As the saying goes: "No one gets
out of this world alive!" We know it must inevitably happen yet
we are often not educated or prepared for it when it does come. We cope
with the death of loved ones largely by avoiding its certainty for as
long as possible, and hope that when the time comes we will somehow
muddle through it... (Read
more)