Still Waiting For Mr. Right?
By: Beth McHugh 2010
I recently had a discussion at a social function with a woman in her late 30s. She was divorced and on the lookout for another partner. But she said something to me that seemed more than a little odd.
Her thesis on marital happiness was that the sex had to be great and if the sex wasn’t great then there was no point in going on with the relationship. She went on to say that even if you can’t stand the guy any more and he makes you cringe and you find out that he is dumb, or is filthy, or spends all your money then that is not necessarily the end of it. Because, to this woman, all you really have left at the end of the day is the sex. Unquote.
I wondered how she actually went about having sex with someone who made her skin crawl and just how good could the resultant sex could be? This seemed to go over her head. I know for me, if I can’t stand the guy, don’t respect the guy, think the guy is a poor specimen of human kindness, then there isn’t going to be any bed action.
This woman admits to having had over 200 sexual partners. Having spent a lot of time talking to older people who have celebrated their 50th and even 60th wedding anniversaries, it seems that sex comes well down the list for the requisites of a happy long term marriage. It’s there, but it’s not at the top of the list.
That is not to say that older people are not indulging in sexual activity, just that the focus of successful couples is not on the sex, it’s on the companionship, respect and shared love. If you can’t love. respect and enjoy your partner and are still having sex with them, you have really moved across into the realm of unpaid prostitution.
At nearly 40, this woman seems to be a little slow in understanding what makes for a good longstanding relationship. And it’s not surprising she hasn’t had one. Let’s hope for her children’s sake she can fast track in the subject of relationship wisdom so that they all have a hope of happiness and stability in the future. It’s not ideal for these teenaged children to be seeing their mother with so many partners. And no lasting happiness to accompany all her efforts at looking for love, as she claims to be doing.