NPD GODMOTHER/AUNT

[debrab]

I am 60 years old, still enabling my 90 year old NPD Aunt.
Since I can remember from age 8, this woman has caused our family so much heartache. When I was very young, she would come to our home and cry and cry, complaining she had “no feelings” and all that. Finally, she was diagnosed with a mental disorder and put into a facility for a few years. Nonetheless, she has sucked so much life from me and others.
She has never married and has no children. My father, who was her brother-in-law, would drive her to places and do all of these favors for her! Why? My father, who was a laborer by day and a father to 5 children, had to also cater to her needs?? Who volunteered him? My mother, her sister? So, I have concluded that I have been taught that I have to do for her as well. And I am the only one in the family who does so. My aunt has sabotaged ALL other relationships in her life. She literally has no friends, and no relatives that want to be near her.
She is manipulative, all about herself, has NEVER done anything favors for anyone and has reduced people to tears. She is a nasty person and I dislike her tremendously.
Sadly, she is dying of colon cancer. She has 3 months, I have been told. And while I continue to do all of these things for her, I am looking forward to being free of her. It is a freedom I have never experienced before in my life and I am so looking forward to it. I do not feel guilty for feeling this way at all and I do not feel guilty for disliking her. She has made it that way for me and many others. I just choose to “do the right thing” and be there for her til the end. How I wish I saw this sooner; I have sacrificed so much in my marriage and children’s lives for this woman! This newfound freedom that is coming to me is well deserved.

[Beth McHugh]

I am 60 years old, still enabling my 90 year old NPD Aunt.
Since I can remember from age 8, this woman has caused our family so much heartache. When I was very young, she would come to our home and cry and cry, complaining she had “no feelings” and all that. Finally, she was diagnosed with a mental disorder and put into a facility for a few years. Nonetheless, she has sucked so much life from me and others.
She has never married and has no children. My father, who was her brother-in-law, would drive her to places and do all of these favors for her! Why? My father, who was a laborer by day and a father to 5 children, had to also cater to her needs?? Who volunteered him? My mother, her sister? So, I have concluded that I have been taught that I have to do for her as well. And I am the only one in the family who does so. My aunt has sabotaged ALL other relationships in her life. She literally has no friends, and no relatives that want to be near her.
She is manipulative, all about herself, has NEVER done anything favors for anyone and has reduced people to tears. She is a nasty person and I dislike her tremendously.
Sadly, she is dying of colon cancer. She has 3 months, I have been told. And while I continue to do all of these things for her, I am looking forward to being free of her. It is a freedom I have never experienced before in my life and I am so looking forward to it. I do not feel guilty for feeling this way at all and I do not feel guilty for disliking her. She has made it that way for me and many others. I just choose to “do the right thing” and be there for her til the end. How I wish I saw this sooner; I have sacrificed so much in my marriage and children’s lives for this woman! This newfound freedom that is coming to me is well deserved.

Hi debrab,
Thanks for sharing your story. It's sad that this lady was placed into your life. I'm sure your parents did not know what the actual problem was -- she was likely diagnosed with a different disorder all those years ago. Your father was obviously kindly and you have followed suit. Narcissists can and do suck the life out of people, but as she is so old now and dying, you don't really have to go through the process of therapy now to let her go. You do have the knowledge that you have done all you can for her, and I hope that you really get to do all the things you would want for yourself when your aunt passes. Just don't let anyone else take advantage of you as she did again!
I wish you a happy future.

Best wishes,

Beth