Your Online Counselor Forum

Hello, I am a 23 year old female, in college. Ever since I was 13 I began therapy and began taking medication and seeing a psychiatrist. My parents got a divorce at 8 years old. Around 11 when I had to stay at my dads out of town once a month he began abusing me, he was a severe alcoholic, then almost died when I was 14 drunk driving at 120mph into a tree in the middle of the day. He spent 4 months in rehab. He has been sober ever since and has not abused me except for abusing me emotionally. He is the most selfish person and bipolar. He only cares about his career and how "smart" and "successful" he is. Anyways, so last week I officially told him that I WAS DONE and tried to erase him from my life. But I have sooo much anger built up inside. I do not want to talk to him but I want him to just send me one email saying I am sorry. I am angry and frustrated at the most minute things, such as, a webpage taking awhile to load, dropping something, I know this is soo stupid but just dropping my razor in the shower makes me sooo mad. And later I am wondering why in the heck did I get mad about that? The anger only lasts a few seconds but when something happens 20 times a day it gets exhausting. And then by nighttime comes around I have soo much tension I get depressed, emotional and do not feel like doing anything but lay in the dark. And when a bigger event happens like my stepdad and I getting into it because he is soo obsessive compulsive, he is very sweet and has always been there for me but he does tend to be a bit picky about some things, so when the big rage comes out no matter when it is, right after, I am completely tired and crying and depressed and just want to lay in the dark. I am generally a happy person, but I am assuming I have situational depression. Do I need anger management, do I need a medication adjustment, is it my hormones, is it built up rage from my past or built up rage from unmet expectations of having a loving caring father? Or is it all of the above?

Hi wynngg, thanks for contributing to the forum.
Sounds like you have had an awful lot to deal with and from a young age. The depression, and lying in bed is normal given the situation you are in. However the quick, short, sharp bouts of anger make me think that the childhood abuse has left you with mild to moderate post-traumantic stress disorder, which would account for these outbursts that then don't make a lot of sense. It means your startle respose is working too efficiently and also that you have unresolved (and legitimate) anger problem. The latter are no longer focussed on the original cause, but are spilling over to other unrelated things, such as dropped items. The fact that you almost died at one point in your life also supports this.
If you would like to book a session by going back to the main websight we can look at whether PTSD is present (this is common with sexual abuse and trauma). This will help you to know how to proceed through having a corrrect diagnosis. The anger is essentially a good thing, even though it is hard on you and others. It means your self esteem is still effectivley intact and you will be able to move out of this current rut you are in.

Let me know if you would like help with that.

Best wishes,
Beth