NPD in an adult child from parents point of view

[lenal]

Hi
Your articles are excellent , but I cannot find the link to the article on NPD in adult children and how to cope as a parent of someone with NPD.
My 19 year old daughter has been diagnosed via proxy with NPD and her behaviour is causing much stress to both parents. Could you please email me the link to this article please.

[Beth McHugh]

Hi Lenal,
I don't have any articles on children with NPD. Psychologically, your 19 year old daughter is not considered to be an adult, and personality disorders are not diagnosed until the age of 25. I am concerned that your daughter has been diagnosed with a personality disorder when her brain, and thus her personality, is not completely developed.
The behaviors that you may be witnessing still fall into the class of adolescent narcissism, which is a normal developmental stage, however unpleasant. With the advent of Gen Y, the diagnosis of NPD may even be extended slightly beyond the age of 25, as this generation is developing as a group at a slower rate than former generations.
It is possible that your daughter may go on to develop NPD but at this age, this is not a given. What is needed is for you and your husband to instill firm boundaries with your daughter. This will be difficult as she is so old and has obviously developed many self serving habits. However, your daughter is still capable of growing out of this phase and becoming a more reasonable person in her 20s. Is there a history of NPD in either family? This can also be an indicator of whether NPD will develop.
However, your daughter has presently been prematurely diagnosed and this can set off detrimental dynamics within the family group. It can also mean that she may be unwittingly emotionally neglected if you believe this is a lost cause. Your daughter will need some guidance from you and your husband. This is certainly worth the effort as she is still developing psychologically. If you need assistance in dealing with her behaviors in a way that steers her into becoming more responsible for her own actions, for dealing with tantrums when boudaries are set, or even setting appropriate boundaries please contact me.

Best wishes,
Beth

[lenal]

Hi Beth,

I should clarify that I am male and I sought out therapy with a psychologist regarding the stress my daughters behaviour is placing on myself in particular , but all other family members,( wife and 16 yr old son). The therapist made the NPD diagnosis of my daughter by proxy. The therapist did say there was a narrow window of opportunity with my daughters age , before the pattern of NPD sets in .
My father has likely NPD and my daughter takes after him very much , so there is a likely genetic component to this. My wife cannot apply discipline to our daughter and I am the only one who has stood up to her .,My daughter is very manipulative, controlling and prone to rage, anger, terrible swearing etc
She refuses to talk to me for over 5 mths now and this silent treatment and blatent disrespectful behavior now thretens my marriage as my wife plans to move out with my daughter , while my son wants to stay with me. I know she is only 19 but she fits most of the diagnostic criteria for NPD. She has completely cut me off as a parent/person and appears to hate me with avengence. I am the one has tried to set boundaries and follow thru with consequences when challenged, but my wife chose to side with my daughter instead of two parents supporting each other.
Your article titled "",Having a Sibling with Narcissistic Personality Disorder"" ended with this wording"" In the next article in this series, we will look at the trauma of having a narcissistic child. ""
I cannot find that link/article ? could you please post the link to that article here please as it sound like it would be very useful for me to read.
Regards, Len

[Beth McHugh]

Hi Beth,

I should clarify that I am male and I sought out therapy with a psychologist regarding the stress my daughters behaviour is placing on myself in particular , but all other family members,( wife and 16 yr old son). The therapist made the NPD diagnosis of my daughter by proxy. The therapist did say there was a narrow window of opportunity with my daughters age , before the pattern of NPD sets in .
My father has likely NPD and my daughter takes after him very much , so there is a likely genetic component to this. My wife cannot apply discipline to our daughter and I am the only one who has stood up to her .,My daughter is very manipulative, controlling and prone to rage, anger, terrible swearing etc
She refuses to talk to me for over 5 mths now and this silent treatment and blatent disrespectful behavior now thretens my marriage as my wife plans to move out with my daughter , while my son wants to stay with me. I know she is only 19 but she fits most of the diagnostic criteria for NPD. She has completely cut me off as a parent/person and appears to hate me with avengence. I am the one has tried to set boundaries and follow thru with consequences when challenged, but my wife chose to side with my daughter instead of two parents supporting each other.
Your article titled "",Having a Sibling with Narcissistic Personality Disorder"" ended with this wording"" In the next article in this series, we will look at the trauma of having a narcissistic child. ""
I cannot find that link/article ? could you please post the link to that article here please as it sound like it would be very useful for me to read.
Regards, Len

Hi Len,
Sorry for the gender misunderstanding. Len,I have not got round to writing that particular article. There are over 500 articles on the site and it's still a work in process between clients! There is more happening in this situation than having a daughter who exhibits NPD traits. Have you had family therapy over this issue ? If your wife is siding with your daughter then all four members of your family would need to mediate on this issue. You can contact me at enquiries@youronlinecounsleor.com if you need to ask further questions as this is a public forum.

Best,
Beth