Your Online Counselor Forum

Hi What is normal,
It's hard for me to answer this one because when I do a diagnosis by proxy there are lots of questions that the concerned third party must answer! Your mother may be a true narcissist who has increased her narcissitic behviors with age (this is normal) or she may be trying to"fit in" better with her own mother, but she is doing it at the expense of her own daughter. Your mother may be quite damaged by her upbringing and now is getting "love" by being your g'mother's yes man. If the latter is the case, she has damaged self esteem amnd a great need for love but with therapy and desire, could be helped. If she is the former, ie. a true narcissist, then she won't change. You are in a good position to have been able to watch the changes over the years. However, you need a clinical diagnosis to really determine what is happening with your mother. Comntact me if you would like one. Otherwise, keep those boundaries up!

Best,

Beth

Hi beth,

I actually found your thread when I was searching on the net regarding NDP. You article have many points which a teenage wants to tell his normal parent. I mean its the responsibility of father (in case mother is suffering from NDP) that he take a good care and do some analysis on the situation and his behavior towards NDP patient.

Hi Robert, yes it is the responsibilty of the non NPD parent to protect the children and I have written this article to highlight this issue. Unfortunately, it is sometimes the case where the spouse of a NPD parent is actually enabling the narcissist and takes their side. This is to maintain favor with their narcissistic spouse and maintain the peace. Others turn a blind eye.
As in many marriages, the reality that a marriage may have to end is also a reason for the non NPD spouse to say nothing out of fear.
Children of narcissists are in a difficult position but like all abused children should speak out, and keep speaking out, even if they are not heard. This at least provides some transparency in the situation and allows for better adjustment in later life.
Hope this helps,
Beth

Hi Whatisnormal,
Sounds like your mother has been affected by being brought up by her own, possibly narcissitic, mother and this is now coming to the fore as she has lost her husband and is relying more on her mother for support. If she wants that support, she has one of two choices, agree with her own mother and take on her views, or decide this is not what she wants and finds support elsewhere. Besides, the mother-daughter bond is hard to break and your mother is trying desperately to get the love she never got in her life. But I cannot really say exactly what is going on as I am not hearing your mother's side of the story. But as you have observed that she has not ever been an emotionally strong woman, then she is likely trying to get her mother's love. This must be difficult for you to be watching this. And also difficult for your mother.

Best,

Beth