Help, completely at a loss

[Kate]

I am really glad to read all of the info here, but I need help! I am divorced and dealing with my ex that I and several professionals believe has NPD. In the marriage, as I began to pull away and talk of divorce, he became increasingly violent and manipulative. I finally filed and had to get a restraining order bacuse he became so out of control and angry. He told many professionals that his actions were all my fault for not being a good wife and loving him the right way. He has always loved to tell big stories of himself and things he has done. He would go out of his way to the extreme for other people, while ignoring his family, especially his kids, just to have the praise. He is a compulsive liar, telling people these wild emotional things, drawing them in to give him pity. They then discover he is unstable and end the relationship. He barely graduated from high school, but tells people these great things he has done. He is now in a relationship with someone that is hideous. I deal with him in simple, direct terms as far as the kids go. It works for the most part. But I am now to the point of having no anger, but overwhelming sadness that my kids will have to grow up with this.

I see alot of posts from people that have had parents like this. It is obvios that his father also had NPD. How do I handle this and how much info do I give my kids? They are pre-teens and are aware of who he is, that they are not his priority but that he loves them. I have tried to reinforce that he is who he is, and he cares, but he has problems. I know that as they get older his actions will create anger in them by being ignored and having to deal with his selfish lifestyle. It is all about him. My kids know he coaches their teams or vol's for things at his convience and then simply so he can have attention and praise, ignoring the kids in th process. the spotlight is always on him, never the kids.

How do I prevent as much pain as possible in my kids lives?? HELP! i feel so completely as a loss and sad.

[Beth McHugh]

Hi Kate,
Sorry for the dealy my books have been closed due to client overload.
Contact me at Services on the main website if you need help in dealing with this situation. If you have had professionals diagnosing by proxy that is a necessary start. Your children will work out for themselves in later life just what is wrong with their father, but it is in their formative years that the most dmage can be done. At least you are aware that somethign is wrong (ie. possibly NPD) so your chiuldren will not suffer to the degree that other adult children of undiagnosed narcissitis have done. Even then, it is possible to work through havign a narcissitic parent. If you contact me we can firstly confiorm the presence of NPD nad then working onb a plan on how to slowly introduce this concept into your childrens' lives so that minimal harm is done,

Best wishes,

Beth