Aggressive Obstructionist

[Whinunatined1945]

I left my passive-aggressive husband of 15 years 6 months ago (had been agreed 3 years prior to end once my education was done but this only heightened his behaviors). When I learned to finally identify the crazy making and stop engaging him the marriage spiraled out of control. This included an act of violence to inform me of "what a piece of *expletive your kids are".
I have been able to find plenty of articles on the behavior itself including the fantastic nail on the head article by Beth at Families.com. But I have been unable to find anything for the victim.

*Resulting behaviors or tendencies in myself
*Ways of healing
*Things to be conscious of etc.

I, for the first time, had the chance to go on a date and immediately felt out of sorts. I felt like I was in this heightened awareness state like I was waiting for the ques I had trained myself to recognize in my husband. I realized this was not good. Sitting in a constant state of anticipation is only inviting disaster and will never allow me to relax and enjoy a man as he is.
So I have put dating on hold until I can start pinpointing what I am doing and learning how this has changed me so that I may heal from the experience.
I interact wonderfully with my girlfriends and my male friends, I have extremely healthy relationships with very well rounded, well adjusted people (started building my social circle up on the side 3 years ago) with only the type of people I could say I would be proud to bring in to mine and my kid's lives so when this all took place we would have a good support group and they would be a wonderful example for my kids.
The problem is romantic interaction - there's something there and I'm not pinpointing it... Can anyone recommend any good reading or sites for me?

Thank you ahead of time - I appreciate anything you can throw my way.