Are both my parents Narcissistic?

[shiok]

Hello,
Recently I read more about narcissistic and feel like both my parents exhibit some of those traits. I am an adult now, however, I developed self-harm symptom and feel depressed. My depression get worst at home. I have been suffering alone for at least 4-5years. Began with me crying when I see my parents. The sight of it, the thought of it makes me cry. Then slowly I cannot control my anger or frustration and beat or pinch myself till blue black.
I am not sure if my parents are narcissistic but they surely do play favoritism. They favor my elder bro, or should say male dominant. At home, women don't get to eat meat. At most I get to eat the wing or breast of chicken. Drumstick given to bro and father. Bun women can only eat lotus not meat bun. When I was young I always see my brother eat deliciously away at the table while I am always hungry. It's not that our family is poor. My mother can buy shiseido skin care product that cost a few hundred dollars every month. My father can buy his radio or blockbuster sound system for few thousand dollars. Women at home is also deprive of school and medical and everything. I remember I was sick (for whatever illness) and only have panadol while male get to see doctor. There was once a tip of my tooth broke and got infected. My school dentist refer me to hospital to get x-ray and root canal treatment. I told my parents. They ignored me. No money, no accompany. Ended up I went by myself digging my piggy bank money. As I am the younger one, I never have my own toy, clothes, book, etc. All are the used ones from my bro. If school needs a different book, I will have to save up my one dollar pocket money and go hungry for days. They expect women to do household chores and I remember climbing on chair to clean window when I was in primary school while my bro doesn't need to do. My mother will praise me when I do household chores and stare at me if I didn't. I am upset my bro gets to play while I need to do household chores. I remember I had to mop floor before going empty stomach to school. My father told me to stop school after diploma. I think probably I am quite sensible. I refused and go tertiary instead of diploma so that I can go university. I am glad I oppose him. When I was young, they will often cane me too. It's always they making me frustrated and when I show my anger, they will say I am not obedient and cane me.
I feel my father exhibit narcissistic traits like not allowing my express my emotions. I cannot be angry or sad. I can only show my smiley face.
My mother, I feel worst. She will demand monetary stuff (even a house) from me when I am adult. Her happiness and retirement life all fall on my shoulder. She will bad mouth me to my aunties if I didn't meet her expectations. They both will not say directly what they want but use various ways to make me aware. My mother will control my spending, not allowing me spend on myself, but only to spend on them. I feel guilty if I went out to have a nice meal with friends, then I will buy more expensive meals for them.
I tried talking to them. They will denied it. They never apologize. They never care about my well being. Their focus is always on themselves, what they need, what they do, etc. Never did they bother how's my day, even I feel I am behaving weird and like crazy. Since young I have sinus and maybe asthma (but I never see doc to diagnose, there was once when I grew up I see doc for flu, he ask if I have asthma.. I just say I am not diagnose) and eczema.
Do you think my parents are narcissistic? Or just favoritism?

[Beth McHugh]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like you are still living with your parents, or having a lot of contact -- Is that the case? Did you get to go to university? It sounds very much like both your parents use very traditional male/female roles and therefore your brother takes precedence and gets the best of everything, while you are expected to do things like cleaning duties that he doesn't have to do. If you feel worse when you are with your parents, can you arrange to move away? Are you working at present in order to do this? I'm not sure at this point about the narcissism aspect because there is a lot of role assignment going on and as the only daughter (it seems) you have duties that you are expected to do. If your mother is buying expensive cosmetics then your father is not totally dominating her. Yet she is dominating you. Would having a therapy session help you? This could be easily resolved but you will need to learn how to set boundaries and stand up for your rights and this may take time and it may involve distancing yourself from your parents to become your own person for a while. You may not be close to your brother either, and that's not a sign of good parenting either. As for both your parents being narcissists, it's possible in some cases, but I would have to talk to you to determine that. You can contact me at enquries@youronlinecounselor.com or make an online appointment at accounts@youronlinecounselor.com
I look forward to hearing from you if you decide you want to contact.
Best wishes,
Beth

[shiok]

yes I went university. I am working towards moving out. I originally wanted to move out 5 yrs back but due to my mother requirement, I didn't do it. Last year, I woke up a bit seeing that it's them having a problem, not me. So I sell off the apartment my mother want and brought my apartment, but waiting for it to build. This time round I didn't let them know the address... I feel bad at times but I am determined to distance from them. I do find it hard at times as I need to spend lots of money on them for them to treat me better. I feel 2 years is a bit long of a wait sometimes I regretted not buying resale apartment instead. But as I have OCD and cleanliness disorder, I prefer new apartment. I actually feel my parents are 'dirty' in a way since don't know when. Maybe I detest them and classify them 'dirty'. Or they really are. My mother will dig her nose and clean on her feet.. They will take rubbish out and not wash hand at all.. They will go out and wear the same clothes to bed.. The coffee they make will have dead ants in it... If they cook dinner will often found their hair in it... Think I have disorder or phobia. My father will take the newspaper everywhere he goes, to toilet to shit and the newspaper smell of shit and he will bring all around and most importantly to sabotage me and make me smell of his shit when I was young. If I get angry he will cane me. I have phobia of newspaper.
I think I am mentally strong that I survive till now.. and I need to just tolerate 2 more yrs to move out.. but I guess it is not the end of the story. I intend to not work so hard and have time for myself. This means my income will decrease, which I didn't let them know as they will disapprove. The only concern is whether my decrease income can cope with their demands.

Saw you mention you have an article on NDP parent, mind sharing?