Mommy Dearest

[slam]

I am glad I found your forum. I believe I have a narcissistic mother. She demands everything everyday. My life revolves around her. I cater to her needs everyday. It's been like this for a few years now.

I am an only child. Ever since my father died some 30 years ago, my mom and I have been taking care of each other. She's shown sign of an NM in the past but not like in recent years. She is 85 years old and I am sure the aging process has amplified her narcissism.

Everyday I prepare her meals. If I make a mistake or if the food doesn't taste right, she yells at me. If I did something wrong, she punishes me like I am a 5 year old. I am being punished as we speak. I gave away something of value as a gift to someone without her permission and she flipped out. I am to have no food, no drink, and no sleep. She gets so angry so often now that I lose track. Every other day, it seems there's something that she is dissatisfied or discontent and she blames me or someone else for it. The verbal abuse I can handle; sometimes she hits/slaps me and finds objects to beat me with (hanger or umbrella ). When she's pleasant, she talks about herself... About how she was abused by her parents and how difficult her life has been and how everyone has wronged her all her life. Even I am a disgrace to her that I have been nothing but a disappointment to her. There is so much to say but I don't think it'll fit on this page.

I am at a loss. I have no life and she banned me from working. I am pretty much staying with her all the time. I am not allowed to go out or do anything. I don't know what to do. I can't leave her or go NC on her as she has a lot of ailments and needs to be taken care of. Hope I can get some advice from this forum. Thanks so much.

[Beth McHugh]

Hi Slam,
Thanks for writing your story on the forum. Life sounds very difficult with your mother, and you are correct in saying that it will only get worse as she gets older.

I have written several articles on the ageing narcissist which, if you haven't read already, you can find by clicking on the link to the main website at the top of this page. Reading these will help you to understand narcissism and the way the power balance works. Although you may feel you have little power and control in this situation, it is actually your mother now who has very little. She has trained you all your life to believe that what she says is the truth, and as a child you had no option to believe it. But as an adult you now have access to knowledge and resources, and you don't have to live with your mother abusing you in the manner she is.

Anyway, have a read of the articles and if you need individual assistance in learning to set boundaries with your mother so that she can't control you like she is, contact me if you would like a session. Sometimes all it takes is to understand that you have been subtly brainwashed from birth to believe you have no control, when in reality, you have all the control in this situation. Your mother needs you more than you need her. She has been carefully able to manipulate you to not believe in your own power. That's what narcissists excel in. Happy reading and I'm here if you need additional help.

Best wishes,

Beth

[slam]

Thank you Beth for your response.

I have read some of your articles. Right now, I am in a Selina. If I leave her I will feel guilty for the rest of my life. If I stay, I will continue to suffer the abuse. It's a lose-lose situation.

[Beth McHugh]

Hi Slam,
Going no contact is not right for everybody. If you have decided that it is best for you to stay with your mother, then it is important that you learn how to set and maintain firm boundaries, otherwise you will continue to have your mother abusing you verbally and physically. It doesn't have to be lose-lose for you. You need to learn new ways to interact with you mother and establish control in your life. You can do this. Others have. There is no need for you to live in this way. Keep reading!

Best wishes,
Beth

[amberirwin22]

My mother is a narcissist and is trying to get custody of my daughter as my husband committed suicide in late 2014. I am so afraid for my daughter as I know what she is capable of and how she will kill my daughter's spirit as she grows older. My daughter is 6 right now so she is easily manipulated but as soon as she has her own individual opinions, I know how my mother will make her feel. I really need help.

[Beth McHugh]

Hi MD,
If you explain why your mother is going for custody of your daughter, it will be easier to understand the problem and to help you.
Hopefully this can be resolved.
Alternatively, contact me at enquiries@youronlinecounselor

Best wishes,

Beth

[slam]

Hi Beth
How long is one session? It's a phone call, right? Can this session be split in half if I can't finish the session? Can you do skype?
Thanks

[Beth McHugh]

Hi MD

Please contact me at enquiries@youronlineoncounselor

Best wishes,

Beth