Psychological serial killers

[Apaloosa3]

In my experience, a narcissistic pervert is like a psychological serial killer.
I grew up with an NP sibling.
The sick part is that they NEED you to replay the scenario over and over again.
That's why they will lure you into "friendship".

My sister had to win the father, that was her thing.
And today, she will constantly try to win the symbolic father, through her boss, her sister's or friend's mates, and now the ultimate Father, God.
She is not interested in sex because she has nothing to really give of herself, but she will want to "know" somehow that she succeeded in seducing, destabilizing, controlling those fathers out there.

So she will seduce, but not sleep.
That way she can keep a long lasting control over those men, and not be blamed of fault.
But the damage is there.
The sick part too, is that she has no love for them. They are just means to prove something to herself.
She just has to win their hearts, over the sisters of life, the rivals.
She is attempting to "KILL" the sister, over and over again.
That is her never-ending quest.

Her heart is dry, her body is dry, her soul is dead.
And therefore no one must be happy around her.

[Beth McHugh]

Hi Apaloosa,
I'm sorry you had to grow up with a narcissistic sister -- if she was older than you then that meant that she had power over you in the family unit. You may carry wounds from that family unit, which likely went unchecked by your parents.

Narcissists have very fragile egos, hence the extreme need for power. When you say she is trying to kill the sister, do you mean she needs to have power over you and that has now spread to all women?

Be aware that narcissists suffer from extreme self loathing, even though it looks like the opposite. They can't cope with how awful they feel about themselves and if anyone were to suggest this, there would be an explosion of narcissistic rage.

Are you still in contact with your sister? If so, you will need boundaries to protect yourself from her behaviours.

Best wishes,

Beth

[Apaloosa3]

Hello Beth,

I apologize for the late reply!

Thank you for your kind answer and advice.

"When you say she is trying to kill the sister, do you mean she needs to have power over you and that has now spread to all women?"
Yes, and in fact I think she also needs to "kill" the mother, since the mother is the one who brought me in in her eyes (the mother is the one who has the big belly and goes to the hospital to deliver the baby, and in a child's eyes, it is less obvious that the father played his part in this birth), that would explain her constant obsession of denying me and my mother.
When my sister is in a "three-way", meaning any situation that reminds her that her father made a child behind her back (me),or that he has a wife (my mother) she will be compelled to gain power over the man who reflects for her the father figure, to the detriment of the other woman, or his children, or his employees.
The man really doesn't matter, he is a mere object, and sex doesn't even matter, since I believe she has sexual problems.
She will simply destabilize and attract the man-father-power, and will try to keep that control over him as long as possible. She will avoid sex (especially with a man of experience), just keep the control, the seduction going.

I try to stay away from her. But sometimes I have to see her, like for dealing with our parents.
I will then be my normal self, but I must constantly keep in mind that she just doesn't want me any good.
And she will constantly give me clues that she despises me, but clues that others don't really see.
She simply cannot stand anything that reminds her that I am, I am acceptable to her only as a service tool, and must be as bland as possible. Sick.

It is very complex in the process, very sophisticated. And very diverse.

"They can't cope with how awful they feel about themselves and if anyone were to suggest this, there would be an explosion of narcissistic rage."
True.
She can also explode for much less than this.
And interestingly, never in public.
In public, she is in her "perfection" mode.
She is Mother Theresa with a "seducing" plus, and to my amazement, people just fall for it.
And she will always, somehow, imply that I am bad, with small clues here and there.
And it seems to work.
That is why I cannot make a life in that environment.

When you grow up with a NP sibling, it is extremely destructive, because you had to deal with it from the start of your life. And it's a long road until you can understand what is happening to you exactly.

Thanks again Beth for your support.

[Beth McHugh]

No problem, come back anytime. There are articles to read on narcissistic family members if you haven't already gone to the main site.
The more you understand about narcissists, the easier it is to recognise the behavior for what it is, rather than it being directed at you, per se. Any sibling would threaten your sister, and although she has doled out a lot of pain, she is in enormous pain herself to have to be so cruel to you and others who she perceives as a threat.
Everyone is a potential threat to a narcissist. They live lives belittling and harming others so that they can feel in control.

Best wishes,

Beth