Recently I read more about narcissistic and feel like both my parents exhibit some of those traits. I am an adult now, however, I developed self-harm symptom and feel depressed. My depression get worst at home. I have been suffering alone for at least 4-5years. Began with me crying when I see my parents. The sight of it, the thought of it makes me cry. Then slowly I cannot control my anger or frustration and beat or pinch myself till blue black.
I am not sure if my parents are narcissistic but they surely do play favoritism. They favor my elder bro, or should say male dominant. At home, women don't get to eat meat. At most I get to eat the wing or breast of chicken. Drumstick given to bro and father. Bun women can only eat lotus not meat bun. When I was young I always see my brother eat deliciously away at the table while I am always hungry. It's not that our family is poor. My mother can buy shiseido skin care product that cost a few hundred dollars every month. My father can buy his radio or blockbuster sound system for few thousand dollars. Women at home is also deprive of school and medical and everything. I remember I was sick (for whatever illness) and only have panadol while male get to see doctor. There was once a tip of my tooth broke and got infected. My school dentist refer me to hospital to get x-ray and root canal treatment. I told my parents. They ignored me. No money, no accompany. Ended up I went by myself digging my piggy bank money. As I am the younger one, I never have my own toy, clothes, book, etc. All are the used ones from my bro. If school needs a different book, I will have to save up my one dollar pocket money and go hungry for days. They expect women to do household chores and I remember climbing on chair to clean window when I was in primary school while my bro doesn't need to do. My mother will praise me when I do household chores and stare at me if I didn't. I am upset my bro gets to play while I need to do household chores. I remember I had to mop floor before going empty stomach to school. My father told me to stop school after diploma. I think probably I am quite sensible. I refused and go tertiary instead of diploma so that I can go university. I am glad I oppose him. When I was young, they will often cane me too. It's always they making me frustrated and when I show my anger, they will say I am not obedient and cane me.
I feel my father exhibit narcissistic traits like not allowing my express my emotions. I cannot be angry or sad. I can only show my smiley face.
My mother, I feel worst. She will demand monetary stuff (even a house) from me when I am adult. Her happiness and retirement life all fall on my shoulder. She will bad mouth me to my aunties if I didn't meet her expectations. They both will not say directly what they want but use various ways to make me aware. My mother will control my spending, not allowing me spend on myself, but only to spend on them. I feel guilty if I went out to have a nice meal with friends, then I will buy more expensive meals for them.
I tried talking to them. They will denied it. They never apologize. They never care about my well being. Their focus is always on themselves, what they need, what they do, etc. Never did they bother how's my day, even I feel I am behaving weird and like crazy. Since young I have sinus and maybe asthma (but I never see doc to diagnose, there was once when I grew up I see doc for flu, he ask if I have asthma.. I just say I am not diagnose) and eczema.
Do you think my parents are narcissistic? Or just favoritism?
I look forward to hearing from you if you decide you want to contact.
B.Sc (Hons). B.Psych. Dip.Sc.
Principal, Your Online Counselor
I think I am mentally strong that I survive till now.. and I need to just tolerate 2 more yrs to move out.. but I guess it is not the end of the story. I intend to not work so hard and have time for myself. This means my income will decrease, which I didn't let them know as they will disapprove. The only concern is whether my decrease income can cope with their demands.
Saw you mention you have an article on NDP parent, mind sharing?