However, in many cases, it is a phase and I hope this is the case with your boys, particularly the younger one as he is not a mature man yet. It would be helpful if you knew why your eldest son considers his uncle to be his family now. Could you ask your brother why this might be the case? Are you on reasonable terms with him? You may have to approach this situation slowly. I know it hurts and is presently consuming you with pain. Try to instigate some sort of dialogue between you and your brother and SIL. In the meantime, no person is worth losing your life over. This is important to remember. Your elder son may have a legitimate reason for doing what he has done but you are worth more than his opinion of you. He has you in a dark place right now, but you are important too. Just as important. And you have other children to love and attend to. It is important also that you focus on your own life and your own hopes for yourself, because even under normal circumstances, our children grow up and move away and we need to have an identity of our own.
If you feel you need help in dealing with this situation, or that your son is acting in a manner out of his usual pattern, please feel free to contact me for additional assistance through counseling. Keep going, love yourself and those who are good to you, cry for your son(s), let time pass but do make a goal for your own happiness and future. Contact me if you need to.
B.Sc (Hons). B.Psych. Dip.Sc.
Principal, Your Online Counselor
After an incident with my daughter she came over and smashed in my window and security door. I foolishly kept trying to make contact and make up and visited at Christmas. I got bashed by my daughter in law. Being a mother, I tried arranging mediation and sent sorry cards and continued sending birthday presents. They went to the police and asked and got an intervention order.
I had to go to court but luckily the magistrate had looked into it and noticed the records of police callouts for the violence.
We had mediation twice but both times, my son was so cold and distant and angry that I ended up having time off work and just making myself sick. They have no concept of what their behaviour is doing to me, my elderly mu, other family. Now my daughter in law is pregnant and suddenly they want family therapy and catch ups for coffee. I am now reluctant to get too close as I can see the emotional blackmail to see the child and seeing me as a soft target to be treated however they like.
So I am going to harden up quite a bit and if I see no respect and am the recipient of abusive behaviour I am going to turn the tables on them and tell them to come back and see me when they can act decently. Babies cry a lot and are very stressful we'll see how long it takes them to come running and the new word I learnt is sorry i'm busy.
I understand your pain. My son was my special child since I always wanted a son and had 2 girls first. We were buddies when he was young because I was a tom boy.
Then my ex cheated on my after 16 years of marriage. My son found out before I did. He didn't tell me but had been acting out. My ex was a truck driver and at his dad's funeral he introduced our son to his girlfriend. He was only 14 at the time.
I didn't know any of this until 2 years later after I had to send my son to go live with him after he had been acting out for me again. He had been running away.
Now my son had been married has 6 kids. 1 out of marriage. 4 in marriage and another by is new fiance as he is not divorced yet but has full custody of his 4 kids from his marriage as his wife is a crack addict.
My son will not talk to me at all now. I did get a mothers day text but that was right after my mom's death.
Since then nothing.
His wife hates me.
My other children- 2 daughters don't talk to me as they hate my husband. He is a Christian and unlike my ex he is a fulltime husband and we respect each other and like to spend time together. They think he is controlling me. This has been going on for 17 years now.
I have 7 grandchildren and get to see NONE of them!!
I am so alienated. I have NO children or grandchildren.
Why tell people I do? They don't recognize me.
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