Anyhow, my living situation has reached a dysfunctional point and I don't know where to proceed. My partner of eleven years died last June. I am 33 years old. Since then, I think I have become or am becoming a prisoner of my own apartment. I don't use any drugs, and I rarely drink alcohol.
It has reached a point where I am relatively certain that my car has been impounded, as I was unable to walk a few blocks to the garage to pay for a new sticker to put on my dash. This was in the beginning of October. I haven't checked my phone messages or opened any mail since then, either. I hired an older woman from craigslist to purchase groceries and run some errands, but I have been pretending to be working and recovering from an injury/surgery as an explanation. I am planning to find a new person, because I think she is beginning to suspect me of lying and looks at me strangely. The memories of our interactions are almost unbearable to me. I wish I could ask her to check on my car, but I am unsure how to ask that. Plus, I don't know how I would react to a confrontation, or simply if she asked where it was. She is the only person I have spoken to since mid-July and she knows my atm pin number.
I have been experiencing other problems, but they are secondary to my anxiety. I feel like a bizarre creature who is literally hiding. It is hard to even consider how I have been passing my time.
I am planning to seek professional help, but the thought is highly unpleasant. I have made preliminary phone calls and googled related words, only to become frustrated and overwhelmed to say the least. I have my own healthcare insurance, which I have never used before.
I don't know where to turn. I haven't spoken with my family in years. If anyone has an idea of a practical starting point, I would be appreciative.
It's important that you go speak with your local health practictioner and let them know of your situation. They will be in a position ot put you into contact with services that can assist you. You have been subject to a lot of stress and need someone to talk to about this.
B.Sc (Hons). B.Psych. Dip.Sc.
Principal, Your Online Counselor