Aspergers MIL relationship

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StayingAnonymous
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Aspergers MIL relationship

Post by StayingAnonymous » Thu Jul 17, 2014 10:31 pm

Thank you for this site.

My MIL posted on Facebook the other day how she thinks she has Aspergers. She said her daughter was diagnosed years ago and she believed since that time she had it too (I always thought something was mentally wrong with my sister-in-law, but we knew nothing about this diagnosis). My MIL is in reality a strange woman (an opinion held by others as well as myself) and I've never been able to form more than an acquaintance-type relationship with her (I've stopped trying to be close because it goes nowhere from my perspective...and she can be rude). I've always just chalked it up to her personality and that she is my MIL. Who gets along with their MIL, right?

When she made her post my husband and I chuckled because she is a paranoid person especially when it comes to medical things but after reading your site and a few others, I'm starting to think she might actually have it! So I do have a question-

Would encouraging her to be diagnosed actually help if she wouldn't do therapy? She's going around self-diagnosing anyway. This seems like a no-brainer, that being diagnosed is a good thing, I just don't know the best way to encourage someone to do that. We've tried to encourage her to make better choices (like getting medical insurance or vaccines-I know, controversial), but she gets very defensive and even starts yelling about it. (Please note my husband always brings up these topics in love and he never raises his voice or talks harshly). My greatest fear is having to take care of this woman in her old age. I'm a nurse by training and love the elderly and look forward to caring for my own parents one day (to a realistic degree). However, the thought of living or checking on this woman in her old age scares me more than anything. Part of the reason this bothers me is that her and her husband are wasteful with their money and they have reminded us on many occasions that they have no retirement.

Maybe I'm the one that needs therapy since dealing with her has been somewhat difficult, especially with setting boundaries with our new baby.

Really, I just want to thank you for your articles and if you have anything to add in context to my question I would very much appreciate that.

Good luck with all you do! God bless

Beth McHugh
Posts: 206
Joined: Tue May 26, 2009 9:47 am

Re: Aspergers MIL relationship

Post by Beth McHugh » Fri Jul 18, 2014 12:48 pm

StayingAnonymous wrote:Thank you for this site.

My MIL posted on Facebook the other day how she thinks she has Aspergers. She said her daughter was diagnosed years ago and she believed since that time she had it too (I always thought something was mentally wrong with my sister-in-law, but we knew nothing about this diagnosis). My MIL is in reality a strange woman (an opinion held by others as well as myself) and I've never been able to form more than an acquaintance-type relationship with her (I've stopped trying to be close because it goes nowhere from my perspective...and she can be rude). I've always just chalked it up to her personality and that she is my MIL. Who gets along with their MIL, right?

When she made her post my husband and I chuckled because she is a paranoid person especially when it comes to medical things but after reading your site and a few others, I'm starting to think she might actually have it! So I do have a question-

Would encouraging her to be diagnosed actually help if she wouldn't do therapy? She's going around self-diagnosing anyway. This seems like a no-brainer, that being diagnosed is a good thing, I just don't know the best way to encourage someone to do that. We've tried to encourage her to make better choices (like getting medical insurance or vaccines-I know, controversial), but she gets very defensive and even starts yelling about it. (Please note my husband always brings up these topics in love and he never raises his voice or talks harshly). My greatest fear is having to take care of this woman in her old age. I'm a nurse by training and love the elderly and look forward to caring for my own parents one day (to a realistic degree). However, the thought of living or checking on this woman in her old age scares me more than anything. Part of the reason this bothers me is that her and her husband are wasteful with their money and they have reminded us on many occasions that they have no retirement.

Maybe I'm the one that needs therapy since dealing with her has been somewhat difficult, especially with setting boundaries with our new baby.

Really, I just want to thank you for your articles and if you have anything to add in context to my question I would very much appreciate that.

Good luck with all you do! God bless
Hi Staying Anonymous,
I don't think you need therapy (!) although setting healthy boundaries would be good to learn, especially as you MIL is at least "difficult".

What I can suggest is a diagnosis of your MIL by proxy. This may help you to better understand just what you may be dealing with. Your MIL may have Asperger's disorder or she may not. If you decide to go for a diagnosis by proxy, this would be undertaken by yourself and your husband and then assessed by me. It's not possible for your MIL to assess herself, or for me to assess her if she does in fact have this disorder, as one of the problems is that she would not have the insight to see some of her behaviors as being "odd". Having this knowledge would then assist you in learning how to better interact with your MIL and taking the steam out of some of your interactions, particularly if she is quite stubborn and argumentative.

Anyway, if you would like a diagnosis by proxy and think this would help, just go back to the main page and click on "Services".

Whatever you decide, good luck and thanks for your feedback!

Best,

Beth
ImageBeth McHugh
B.Sc (Hons). B.Psych. Dip.Sc.
Principal, Your Online Counselor

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