I received a call on 9/15 that my Dad was in pretty bad shape. Suddenly, I realized that I could not let him be alone in his passing. I made it to Florida and spent one, incredibly scarey night by his side before my brother arrived. My Dad, ironically, could not speak because he was very weak. He was able to communicate with nods and hand signals. We worked a lot out that long night - and I cried a lot of tears. I cried for his pathetic situation, his inability to understand that his actions in life led him to his lonliness before his death, his years of dissatisfaction amidst all evidence of abundance. I prayed openly for his salvation and sang him into the next life with joy and relief. It was over and HE was free.
So, the reason for writing this is to say that it's still sad when your NPD parent dies - but it becomes a sadness for them and their imprisonment. I am grateful to all of you (and Beth especially) for your help and support - and the well-placed kick in the behind that I needed to get over the NPD hump. I'm also grateful that this process really worked!!! Talking, reading and understanding has lead me to a profound inner peace. I'll continue to check on all of you and to try and return the favors you all have bestowed upon me. Thanks and peace to you all. Cheech
I think it was courageous of you to be by your dad's side. I hope I can have courage, grace, maturity, class, etc. when the time comes. Sounds like you had all of these. Again, thanks very much for sharing.
One thing you might be interested in knowing and can help you on this journey is that it is actually harder to get over the death of a "difficult" parent than one that you adored. Although this seems a conundrum, it is the case. And it is because there can be so many unresolved issues that the grieving person still has to deal with even though the parent is dead and doing no active harm. The harm lies there still, like a time bomb.
People commonly think it will be great when their dysfunctional father or mother dies, but this is not always the case. I have written several articles on this very topic and will load them this weekend and leave a link so that you, and others in this position can read them.
I hope this helps, Cheech, and I'm glad you had that time with your father. What a waste this illness is, yet it is the sufferer who understands this and grieves, while the living narcissist has no idea of what they have missed out on. If you need asssistance in talking about your loss or you get stuck in the grieving process for your Dad, you can always contact me.
B.Sc (Hons). B.Psych. Dip.Sc.
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